I've Been Given Up On

Not by everybody by any means. But someone very special to me has given up on their self and has given up on me. Even though it hurts, I know that I deserve good things and hopefully I will get them soon, because I'm almost ready.

Don't give up on yourself because that means you've given up on everything that could possibly bring joy into your life.

Sarasota in 6 days!!

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Self Esteem Boost

Lately I've had my feelings crushed and have been feeling sad. Very little, if none of it was my fault. Because of it I've felt negative and I probably will for a period of time, but things happen for a reason. I know that I am a good person and that I deserve good things. And someone out there wants to be with me and thinks I deserve the best and can give it to me.

The biggest issue has been the fact that I've been confused by the whole situation. I am hoping I can discover some answers that may clear up my understanding.

Being a person who has dealt with depression and anxiety caused by many areas of my life (including but not limited to parents, family, romantic relationships, personal relationships, professional relationships, etc.) I can admit that I've given serious thought to suicide in the past. Obviously, I have not acted on those thoughts, but sometimes it still feels like it would be easier.

If you are feeling depressed to the point that you want to hurt yourself or take your own life, please read this: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ It's been reassuring to me multiple times and can lead you to some wonderful resources of coping methods. Please give it a read, even if suicide is just a quiet idea in the back of your mind.

And know that people do care about you and love you and want you to be happy. Love is tricky to understand. Imagine it as a rose, in which the stem is thorned and the flower will or already has opened up to reveal its beauty. Though complicated, love is a wonderful experience and there is someone out there for everyone. True love can handle pain and resistance and still survive.

Now, as wonderful as loving someone is, it's so important to love yourself first. How can you expect to truly love someone else if you don't truly love yourself? That must be learned first. Once you are truly proud and comfortable with yourself you can invite another person into your life. Having a life partner is wonderful and highly desired, but you must feel comfortable and strong being independent first.

Thanks for letting me blow off some steam. It's been quite a rough weekend and week so far, and it's only Monday!

Sarasota, Florida in 7 days! :)

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Free Promo: Michael Henry and Justin Robinett

In the past month, I've fallen in love with the voices and musical talent of Michael Henry and Justin Robinett. So, I felt like giving them some props. Please listen and enjoy!

YouTube

Album on iTunes

My Personal Favorites:

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Looking Forward to the Summer!

This summer I'll be working for Salt & Light Productions.

They are located in Sarasota, Florida and I will be staying in a nice condo in what looks like a wonderful neighborhood.

I will be working with the group there making documentaries. I imagine I'll be doing a lot of research and hopefully a lot of learning! I plan on updating this blog with my experiences.

And when I'm not working, I'll probably be swimming in the pool or at the beach. I can't wait to get tan!

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Why Those Who Criticize Me are Wrong

Everybody gets compliments, constructive criticism, and insults. Like everyone else, I've been received all of these types of comments from different people for a variety of reasons. However, some of the most insults have come from people who are supposed to care for me the most.

Those people don't know how much they've hurt me by what they've said and how the worst of the worst insults are branded permanently on my mind.

However, as I've matured and gained strength, I've come to realize how these people are wrong. I still feel the pain but I'm in better control and I've also come to realize how immature these people are. Below I've shared the criticism and why they are wrong or why they have no right to say what they've said; in many cases, they are wrong AND have no right to talk.

Criticism: "You're gaining weight, you should cut back on what you're eating."

Why they're wrong: This comment has come from several people who have no right to talk. Two of them have been overweight for nearly their entire lives and have developed high blood pressure, diabetes, and a variety of other ailments due to the extra weight. The first time I heard it, I was 16, 5'9", and 170 lbs. According to the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute, my BMI was 25.1, which barely falls into the overweight category.

Excuse me for developing a woman's body. I may not be the skinniest person in the world, but at 21, my BMI has remained about the same, which puts me in the healthier population of America. I've also learned that many men don't mind subtle curves on a woman.

Criticism: "These grades are horrible; you wouldn't get into Sinclair with grades like these."

Why they're wrong: Sinclair is a community college. I'm honestly not sure what would keep you out of Sinclair unless you are a convicted criminal. Also, the grades this person was speaking of averaged out to a 2.9 (on a 4.0 GPA). Maybe not stellar, but certainly not bad.

Criticism: "If you abandon us, we won't consider you part of the family anymore and we'll take away everything we've given you and you'll have nothing."

Why they're wrong: I'm not an idiot. Period. Yes, I am thankful for what has been provided for me, including insurance, a vehicle, and half of my college education. But, if you were to take it all away, I would likely be just fine. I would have to take out a loan for my final year of under grad studies, but after that I can claim myself as an independent, if not earlier for other reasons.

Criticism: "You're throwing away your life by being with the person you're with. Your significant other does not have a job and is currently not in school."

Why they're wrong: My S.O. is in the unemployed population of America that is currently 9.9% of our country (15.3 million people). Let me also economically define the term "unemployed": the state of an individual looking for a paying job but not having one. This means that children, full time students, the retired, and those NOT looking for a job, are NOT included in this number.

Please realize that this definition does not use the 300 million some total country population to calculate this number!! There are only approximately 154.5 million people included in the unemployment rate calculation. (do the math)

There are other things I could comment on and could use as violent defense against these people who criticize me, but I want to be the bigger, mature person.

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